I never really saw myself as the type of person who will never ever feel empathy or consideration for other people, till this day my thoughts scare me. I’m quite sure everyone is familiar with the concept of “MY PAST HUNTS ME” and years ago, i was a little, naive, nice, warm beautiful soul which had a smile that no one ever thought could be diminished but life, life. It hasn’t turned me to filth, these days, i do not know what i feel, I’m not saying I’m a walking zombie but I’m a walking thought. Sometimes, i sit all alone with a bottle of vodka wondering why i feel and think the way i do and sometimes i feel no one would ever understand what went through to get to this place so i am never vocal about it. Listen, I’m at a stage where I’ve come to terms that i am not alone. You are not alone. We all have shells, walls and people try to break them for different reasons, be it good, be it bad and they need to understand that we aren’t ready. I sit here writing this article telling you, i have been molested, raped twice, almost took someone’s life and almost lost my life on various occasion but guess what? I AM STILL ALIVE. For years, i was choking on my own depression, anxiety, fear. I was very suicidal and i have tried killing myself countless times, yes call me disturbed or insane but i was never the one who believes in happiness although you see me smile but deep down, i was shattered. These days i have a feeling of not feeling, i see a someone going through something and for a brief second I’m in deep trance and thought and i feel the need to grab them and scream saying “YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS, DON’T MESS YOUR LIFE UP” Why? because not everyone goes through life and goes through it alive. Its not easy living, in this age and time, i feel people should realize that self awareness and realization is the key to coming out of any bad situation your placed in, I never had the luxury of being told i can make it and I am strong, i had to learn that on my own and it wasn’t easy. At the end of the day, my whole life changed when i accepted my scars and flaws and realized my demons and broken pieces are beautiful regardless of how society makes me feel. i am a strong motherfucker and you can’t break me. I’m not saying do what i did and shut out your feelings, I’m telling you no matter how life treats you and throws you around the place like a rag doll. stay positive, it doesn’t get better honestly, but you’re not alone and honest you got this.
Model – Lara Zeydan
Photographer- Briley Moses
Disclaimer! This shoot was inspired by the article that was sent to us to visually represent the content. The model is not in anyway related to the the above message